back to lighthearted realities

The sky is dark right now, and in say five hours we're going to arrive in Vancouver and it'll be the same date and time that I got up this morning. which means on the 11th December 2012 we will have had two breakfasts and lunches and dinners. (I'm actually mindblown ahaha)

I tend to listen to sad music although it makes me sad.

Birdy - White winter hymnal, Katy Perry - Not like the movies, Emeli Sandé, Jessie J - Stand up, Jason Mraz, Lana Del Rey

The rest of the trip was bumpy and planesickness and then carsickness and just had dinner at nine and leaving the house tomorrow at six for the ski slopes!

heart-thinking on another flight

Everyone has a big heart. Some keep theirs hidden deep, protected by barriers. Some only show theirs to a special few. Some invest theirs in the wrong places. And some wear theirs out for everyone to see. I'm thinking about children now. Little people
with big hearts.

Everyone has a big heart. Underneath all that, whatever it is, you've got an endless capacity to love and to do good. Can I try to see that? Try to see the good in everyone and also embrace the bad?

There's a concept that has been so relevant lately. It is so hard to hate someone; so much easier to love. I still remember how painful it is to hate, and how good it feels when you allow yourself to forgive.

nyayayyaya enough deep thoughts now goodbye

thank you

Yesterday was my last day of junior high school. I want to thank everyone for making it so memorable. I had such an amazing, amazing time. I survived in those heels, and I just didn't want to leave. Time passed too quickly. I think I should've taken more photos actually, just for the memories.

On the way home, my sister was driving, I was like 'it's my last day of year ten' and 'in 24 hours we'll be in hk' and it was just one of those unreal moments

I'm on the plane right now. Holidays make me feel so free. I really hope everyone feels this way these holidays. A carefree and content and curious sort of feeling.

I went through some sort of phase these past few months. It was weird and coming-of-age-y and I hope I'm out of it when I come home :)

Check out the sky.. aren't those clouds cute :)

- on the plane, Saturday

dear roddy

they say if you don't talk about it you don't think about it, that is soooo not true but it helps i guess. mate i feel like i understand everything you're going through coz it was only like 2 weeks ago (give or take a week) where i felt "that" feeling. the feeling of eternal emptiness where every thought (if you have any) was negative and you just felt sad and no matter what you tried to do it lead down that same path. most of the time the feeling I dread the most was just that "limbo" emotion it was kinda like a notch between misery and stoned and the worst part was it can last the whole freaking day. when i was in "limbo" i basically experienced everything you're going through right now, where nothing in life seems to matter and you feel your friends like slowly floating away from you AND what's shit is the only thing that is capable of making you happy is what is causing you all this sadness in the first place. be grateful your way of coping is listening to music ahahaha the only way i coped was from causing pain to objects or myself, i blame the ADHD :P oh and ive taken up drinking and smoking and trust me its not worth it (drinking mebbe, the smoking defs not) especially not for someone that doesnt care for you as much as you care for them.

i know at this moment you feel like there is nothing for you to do and you want to do is think about the good memories you've had in the past. but the memories are honestly what's holding you back, there is no point going back to places where you have spent time together by yourself recreating these moments coz nothing changing you might as well go do something youre good at LIKE PLAYING BALL or SWIMMING (unless you want to get burnt in water the next swimming carnival). if you know Joe Zhang this was what he told me "go play ball, as you grow older you realise you can only ever rely on balls for happiness" AND GUESS HOW HAPPY JOE IS? 5 hours of ball 3 days in a row, 1000 free throws and 4 girlfriends :D
once "this" is all behind you, you will be so much stronger and you will give less crap about everything in general and life is gonna be a breeze again.

ill leave you with some mongol wisdom. remember how on the first night of camp how i "fell" through that window? this was like the first time Zihan has every said anything to me regarding "that person" and he told me "you should never give too much of yourself away for nothing in return, the more you give away the more you are going to hurt, plus "stuff" in highschool never works out anyway." (this man went on to win 2 awards at formal :P) stella has told me this like a hundred times "one day when youre twenty youre going to look back and laugh at yourself for being so stupid (i only remember this much) and falling for someone who was equally as stupid (yeah i made that up :L)

oh and youre not that messed up ;) you're going to come out of this "hellhole" a lot wiser, once you get over it you will be invincible (winnieeeee cheung!!) everything is going to be fine roddy we all gotta go there, you have tonne of support all over the world, just coz im in america ;)

(cheers, you've got support from hk too LOL :))

that feeling again.

havent been thinking properly for the last month or so. couldnt think of anything to post :/ life is unfair tho, that definetely is true. i still feel pissed when people talk about formal. eh lets seee... thinking of beef makes me want to vomit. today was also the first time since i decided to see my white friends again since like a month ago as well. i really miss you but i realised you stopped liking me and i have no reason to try anymore, i say another month minimum.

woohoo!

New Jayesslee cover :) -> Try - Pink

Also, watched The Amazing Spiderman 2012 just then! yayyy
ps. andrewgarfieldandrewgarfieldiamnotfangirlingnoimnot

And also, my sister just got a new laptop and it's touchscreen. It's coool :)
My posts are so random :'/ idk being deep and meaningful takes too much brainpower ..

A few things to share :)

• "Agent of Secret Stuff" - I finally got round to watching this. by nigahiga :) Watch it if you have some time, it brightened up my day!

• Sarah Kay: If I should have a daughter ... - The way she speaks is so captivating.

• Go and google a baby animal. 

my speakers that were dead for like a week suddenly started working again. good things are happeningg

I hope good things are happening to everybody. Good things have to happen, right?

would it be better to stop dreaming?

but nyeheheh these two weeks will be a blast and then off we gooo

p.s. is it possible to feel a cat's heartbeat when it's purring :s

hmm I don't know

Sometimes, I feel like I'm not finding that feeling of 'wholeness' in my life. There's an emptiness, because I know there's a whole world out there that I don't know. I've only been exposed to a small part of it. It reminds me of this frog story from when I learnt Chinese. The frog lived in a well and thought the sky was only that small circle until one day a bird flew past and told him there was this endless expanse of sky up there.

Right now I feel like that frog. Or like a baby bird watching all the other birds fly but not quite got the hang of it yet.

I wonder if anyone else ever feels this way.. anyway watched ted today. it wasn't as bad as people made it out to be ahaha just, they should calm down with the swearing.

Being Simple Minded

Enjoy whatever is infront of you. Don't think into the past and don't think into the future. if you see someone you dont wanna see pretend they are not there or just tell them to stfu if they are the same gender.being simple minded means never getting too emotionally invested into anyone coz youre probably wasting your time anyway. realise that time waits for no one and there is no point being unhappy when you can just be happy using the same time. never take compliments or negativity seriously coz people compliment and insult based of their emotion they are experiencing at that moment.

ILLUSTRATED EXMAPLES!

i wanna finish highschool so i dont have to remember you ever. <---- do not think into the future

the past three weeks have been so bad... so much indecisive bs has happened <----

do not think into the past

PIMP MODE, EXTREME NARCISSISM <--- LIFE GREAT :D:D:D

ILLUSTRATED EXAMPLES! 2

OMG you're so awesome! Come sit at my formal table! <----POSITIVE probably tells that to everyone

OMG you're so reckless <------NEGATIVE ---->PIMP MODE FILTER----> she can suck chode dick



RANT----- Lesson 6

narcissism

sometimes i believe i can do anything (honestly). you are my reality check. and also my craziest vision. 

at school :L

morning

I am so bored of doing va that I am eating my hair. Okay not really. Sort of.
This is going to take forever.. even if I try.
OKAY POSITIVITY.
I'll just die tomorrow and sleep as soon as I get home!
yayyyy
wish me luck please let's wish on the stars

Oh man look what sleeplessness does to me. I feel so crazy I feel like a duck or a goose or an elephant okay bye.

when a heart breaks

no it don't break even :D lol not really im  :(

i had like a super long meditation seession today, researched "how to cure heartbreak", played a shit load of games and basically did a load of stuff just to try to stop thinking about the past week. but now im just sitting here doin nothin and i can like literally feel the thoughts slowly seeping back into my sometimes existant brain. yea its just really hard.




this song so accurate la >>>> i almost do <<<< taylor swift

Ahhhhhhhhhhh I have a dog obsession

I feel like a sloth

Got home, read, napped for 2-3 hours, waited for dinner, sat on the couch planning trips.
I feel all funny, I can't figure it out :s Hopefully it's just some post-nap syndrome.

http://writingthroughthefog.com/2011/01/11/friends-strangers-moments/ those candid shots :)

this is just another memory

Show encrypted text

this is me

I was reading travel blogs and in particular this food travel blog and now all I want to do is go somewhere far away and eat with the locals and experience all the exotic and heart-melting local foods and just omnomnommomnom. But for now I'll just look forward to dinner. I hope LA has good food *crosses fingers*. heh food adventuress

I learnt a lesson last night. I learnt that we can get caught up believing in the worst, but if we take a step back, look further and wider, there are things we haven't noticed, things worth being happy about :)

you're mean

but the last part of this
http://www.youtube.com/user/WongFuProductions?feature=chclk
is you :D

the last time - taylor swift

You're not alone

Anyone else miss the stars? They've been hiding for weeks :(
I developed a weird habit of checkin out the sky each night before pulling the blinds..

--
I want to say I lived each day until I die 
And know that I meant something in somebody's life
-

Xfactor finals soon!

again...

ahaha i only realise after you went to sleep that this idea may be the most stupid reckless thing you have ever suggested but lets do it ;)

nanananananananana

Do I care too much? I don't even know what I'm doing any more. Like what?
I'm just feeling sort of lost in the world. Perhaps if I were really getting lost - like, holidays anyone? Losing myself in another country, anyone? Countdown 28 days.

Too many questions.. maybe I'm just tired again..

I swear I'm actually happy inside, it's just covered in layers of tiredness and confusion or sth.

sunsets and roundabouts

Listen to this song. :)

TO LA ROoD :D

oh and roddy i'll worry about angela after karen dies

PS link to new blog please :D

day one of a mebbe extremely long journey

day 1
today felt good again :) despite the bad start everything went uphill after early morning basketball credit to KD and Zihi :P today had a wierd overall emotion tho, you know when you see a person who you're so use to having positive emotions with and when you see them and all you want to do is smile but then life happens and now when you see that person your heart still knows what you're suppose to feel but NOW your brain no longer lets feel the same thing? anyone ever feels this?

anyway christina and sandy asked me a really strange question today. which im about to reiterate to you. "why are you trying to fight the process if there is nothing you can do about it anyway?" in other words "why are you trying to get over a faggot when you know you won't be able to anyway?" and the answer is coz getting "hurt" feels like there is a tonne of explosive bricks on your chest which makes your heart ache everytime you breathe <- sounds so gay but its trueee T.T REALLY!!!







stop looking at me coz all i want to do is smile but i can't :'(

bye bye

i think i died just then

eigth november 2012

Sad for most of today. I honestly don't know why i do the stuff i do but i guess i deserve it. its been like heaps lonnnnnggg since i first liked you and through the three terms i've "known" you i've
i dont even know what to say.....

i've deleted your number so many times i cant even count and i've proabably contemplated giving up on you three times that amount. you're proabably as sick of "this" as i am but like you "there's is just this part of me that still WANTS to like you" but the "wiser part of me tells me im probably just going to get hurt again". as you know however i just have this thing for taking risk and sometimes the "journey" just isnt pleasant but all we can really do is try to make the most of it. i think its safe to say i've tried everything of my 16 years of knowledge to try to "piece you together" and during the time the window was actually open i messed everything up. and i still regret it everytime i think of you which unsuprisingly is quite a lot. i've probably invested too much in you already but me being me i'm gonna give you one last shot just coz i can feel that you still like me too? and if that doesn't work out i'll let the blood pumping son of a bitch take the beating and let time do its thing again.

what SOMEPEOPLE don't realise is you never lose anything for trying to get someone. if you dont try you will NEVER get her anyway minus the freaking awesome experiences that come complementary :P most people would know who im talking about already but this post is for you. Karen.

:)

When we don't know how to face something our animal instincts tell us to hide.

Run, rabbit, run, rabbit, run run run

I wish I could have been there and taken that photo. Must have been a crazy feeling.

--

I remember on the day of our maths exam I walked into rollcall and could literally see the stressed, anxious, nervous feelings on everyone's faces. The air was filled with these emotions. It basically radiated off the people and intoxicated the room. I found that cute heh. 

But sort of sad. Because if we could all achieve a zen state of mind before each exam then we'd actually do so much better. How to achieve a zen state of mind? I think I will find out tmr. gnight sleeptight:)

Don't dream too much or you'll be lost

This poem is sad but so relevant to that earlier revelation of yours. Falling for the idea of someone is almost like falling for a character in a book.

---Lesson Three cont.

Never Change Your Mind Just to Please a Girl

If a girl you like or just a girl with high social status suggest something that so-called "challenges" your perspective on life the most he should ever do is just consider her "perspective" and make a new decision based on his "consideration". He should never "betray" his knowlegde and impulses (i have a lot of these) in order to please her or just to "go along" with her. Ultimately their "relationship" will suffer as their relationship and basis of communication is all ingenuine. THEN if your a fake ass bitch it also restricts your freedom as it isnt really you who the girl is seeing and when the girl senses your fake uptight pussy she will be replsed by you and she will vomit and fly away :D

Mindset of the Mountain Monk: You should always take what other people say into consideration but then make your OWN decsion. Once again it comes back to the concept of SELF TRUST. Why would anyone trust you if you cant even trust yourself? anywayysss im happy day 4.

---Lesson 5

 

Conclusion

i deserve better :D and you kinda suck.

Us

So like imagine.. if one day we all woke up to a world with no computers, phones, iPods, TVs, etcetc. Would we start turning up spontaneously at friends' houses when we want a chat, would we read more books, play more sports, catch up more, shop more, go out more, live a more 'real' life? A life where we stick to the basics? Mmm, perhaps.

---No Lessons really, just Thoughts

So much wisdom from a six-year-old

Fellow mountain monk here. I found this story a few weeks ago...

***

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker ‘s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ”I know why.”

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

He said,”People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” The Six-year-old continued,

”Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

***

Let's learn from dogs. Love unconditionally. Live in the present not the future. Love everyone who treats you well, find pleasure in simple things like tummy rubs and fetching sticks. Bark when you're bored but not too much or the neighbours'll be angry. Wag your tail when you're happy. But of course be nice to cats.

---Lesson Four

Blinded By "Love"

I remember when i first really liked someone this year i would go and tell my friends i ACTUALLY like this girl, it would go something like this "shit Kevin/Zihan i actually like this one i got no idea what to do" and they would just laugh and then i would laugh and i would forget about this person. Then i would go home and after all my extra curricular activites and i would have time to think about nothing but this person. I found the more you think about the person you like the more you seem to get obsessed with them, this obsession is what how most of us define "love" but usually its just a neediness or desperation for this person. Then as this obsessions develops we stop viewing our crush as an actaul person but literally like an object of value or a crutch for our own positive emotions, they just seem perfect in everyway and we stop seeing there flaws and their insecruties.
Biggest Revelation EVER ^

Mindset of the Mountain Monk: Your obsession is not love but more so a neediness where you need a girl to fill the "hole" in your life. What dudes need to realise is girls probably have more problems than you simply coz they tend to overthink. sounds offensive but a girl is basically an "accessory" you should already be happy without the girl, the girl should really just be someone you love spending your time with kinda like a filter which enhances your positive emotions. So the next time you think/say "I actually like this girl" you might as well just say "i'm actaully not going to ever go out with this girl".

SO FOR THE DUDE THAT HAS CHASED HIS CRUSH FOR 4 YEARS LEAVE HER ALONE AND COME BACK FOR HER LATERRRR :D

oh yea listen to taylor swift if you wanna know how a girl thinks - wise monkey kennith

---Lesson Three

Realising We Will Have Bad Days

First bad day in three weeks i'll say thats is pretty good ahaha. Well today from me waking up naked till the baseball bus ride back to school the day had been amazing. basketball shots went in today. intense brief's only morning workout :D. made it BY CHANCE to somedude's performance. kissed baulko dudes. and basically talked a lot of shit. usually i walk around really happy for no reason but today was just like another feeling, it was like a whole day walking orgasm. but then things happen, literally within the last 10 minutes of school today i had one of my relapses (first one in one and a half months) and i just had this bipolaric mood swing and i just sad. like i just forgot how good the whole day has been and i just got that retarded pointless feeling of emptiness it was like my all my energy just got sapped. a few months ago i would have fought this icky feeling but now as you say i "just go with the flow". Usually this would have affected my mood for a few days but this time it was only two hours. in a way im proud of myself for "coping" but srsly this shouldnt have even happened.

Mindset of the Mountain Monk: Don't assocaite your emotions to the way anyone reacts towards you, why invest your emotions in something you have no control of? when you do happen to have a shitty day realise it is probably by chance and realise it means nothing PERSONALLY meaning whatever happened in your shitty day doesn't define what kind of person you are. OH today is halloween btw hehe i feel good giving little kids candy :P oh yea try to focus on the freaking positives of life coz feeling good just feels really good.

I wasted my dinner writing this and im about to go swimming. thankyou kennith yuson and little k as always :P

---Lesson Two of becoming a Mountain Monk

Live With an Open Heart Even If It Hurts

Closing down in the midst of pain is a denial of ture mountain monk behaviour. A superior mountain monk is free in feeling and action, even amidst great pain and hurt. If necessary a monk should live with a hurting heart rather than a closed one. He should learn to stay in the wound of pain and act from his own will even at what seems to be the hardest of times. Be free of others expectations and criticism and live by your own standards of "success". It really is quite stupid to constantly be trying to live up to other peoples expectations coz it can honestly never be done. And the most vital rule of becoming a mountain monk like me and my female comrade is never to take anyones judgement or opinion of yourself over your own opinion/judgement of yourself. Like which guy can know more about you that you?


----Lesson One of becoming a Mountain Monk