Realising We Will Have Bad Days

First bad day in three weeks i'll say thats is pretty good ahaha. Well today from me waking up naked till the baseball bus ride back to school the day had been amazing. basketball shots went in today. intense brief's only morning workout :D. made it BY CHANCE to somedude's performance. kissed baulko dudes. and basically talked a lot of shit. usually i walk around really happy for no reason but today was just like another feeling, it was like a whole day walking orgasm. but then things happen, literally within the last 10 minutes of school today i had one of my relapses (first one in one and a half months) and i just had this bipolaric mood swing and i just sad. like i just forgot how good the whole day has been and i just got that retarded pointless feeling of emptiness it was like my all my energy just got sapped. a few months ago i would have fought this icky feeling but now as you say i "just go with the flow". Usually this would have affected my mood for a few days but this time it was only two hours. in a way im proud of myself for "coping" but srsly this shouldnt have even happened.

Mindset of the Mountain Monk: Don't assocaite your emotions to the way anyone reacts towards you, why invest your emotions in something you have no control of? when you do happen to have a shitty day realise it is probably by chance and realise it means nothing PERSONALLY meaning whatever happened in your shitty day doesn't define what kind of person you are. OH today is halloween btw hehe i feel good giving little kids candy :P oh yea try to focus on the freaking positives of life coz feeling good just feels really good.

I wasted my dinner writing this and im about to go swimming. thankyou kennith yuson and little k as always :P

---Lesson Two of becoming a Mountain Monk

Live With an Open Heart Even If It Hurts

Closing down in the midst of pain is a denial of ture mountain monk behaviour. A superior mountain monk is free in feeling and action, even amidst great pain and hurt. If necessary a monk should live with a hurting heart rather than a closed one. He should learn to stay in the wound of pain and act from his own will even at what seems to be the hardest of times. Be free of others expectations and criticism and live by your own standards of "success". It really is quite stupid to constantly be trying to live up to other peoples expectations coz it can honestly never be done. And the most vital rule of becoming a mountain monk like me and my female comrade is never to take anyones judgement or opinion of yourself over your own opinion/judgement of yourself. Like which guy can know more about you that you?


----Lesson One of becoming a Mountain Monk