dear roddy

they say if you don't talk about it you don't think about it, that is soooo not true but it helps i guess. mate i feel like i understand everything you're going through coz it was only like 2 weeks ago (give or take a week) where i felt "that" feeling. the feeling of eternal emptiness where every thought (if you have any) was negative and you just felt sad and no matter what you tried to do it lead down that same path. most of the time the feeling I dread the most was just that "limbo" emotion it was kinda like a notch between misery and stoned and the worst part was it can last the whole freaking day. when i was in "limbo" i basically experienced everything you're going through right now, where nothing in life seems to matter and you feel your friends like slowly floating away from you AND what's shit is the only thing that is capable of making you happy is what is causing you all this sadness in the first place. be grateful your way of coping is listening to music ahahaha the only way i coped was from causing pain to objects or myself, i blame the ADHD :P oh and ive taken up drinking and smoking and trust me its not worth it (drinking mebbe, the smoking defs not) especially not for someone that doesnt care for you as much as you care for them.

i know at this moment you feel like there is nothing for you to do and you want to do is think about the good memories you've had in the past. but the memories are honestly what's holding you back, there is no point going back to places where you have spent time together by yourself recreating these moments coz nothing changing you might as well go do something youre good at LIKE PLAYING BALL or SWIMMING (unless you want to get burnt in water the next swimming carnival). if you know Joe Zhang this was what he told me "go play ball, as you grow older you realise you can only ever rely on balls for happiness" AND GUESS HOW HAPPY JOE IS? 5 hours of ball 3 days in a row, 1000 free throws and 4 girlfriends :D
once "this" is all behind you, you will be so much stronger and you will give less crap about everything in general and life is gonna be a breeze again.

ill leave you with some mongol wisdom. remember how on the first night of camp how i "fell" through that window? this was like the first time Zihan has every said anything to me regarding "that person" and he told me "you should never give too much of yourself away for nothing in return, the more you give away the more you are going to hurt, plus "stuff" in highschool never works out anyway." (this man went on to win 2 awards at formal :P) stella has told me this like a hundred times "one day when youre twenty youre going to look back and laugh at yourself for being so stupid (i only remember this much) and falling for someone who was equally as stupid (yeah i made that up :L)

oh and youre not that messed up ;) you're going to come out of this "hellhole" a lot wiser, once you get over it you will be invincible (winnieeeee cheung!!) everything is going to be fine roddy we all gotta go there, you have tonne of support all over the world, just coz im in america ;)

(cheers, you've got support from hk too LOL :))